This is a topic many of us don’t wish to discuss, but avoiding it doesn’t make it go away. Religious beliefs further complicate our perspective and feelings on the subject. Will I go to Heaven, be stuck in limbo or even worse Hell? Will I need to reincarnate and go through this entire scenario again until I get it right? Will I just cease to exist and become one with the earth again?
Whatever you were told or believe may feel scary. Even if you think you got it right and will go directly to a cloud filled land with cherubs flying around listening to harp music, what if you’d rather listen to Metallica or Ricky Martin and eat cheeseburgers? What if your loved ones don’t make it? None of it feels comforting.
So I will share an experience with you that changed my perspective on life after death.
In 2012 I attended a wake for my daughter’s, classmate’s, Uncle. I knew the mother through play dates and church. I was unaware that she even had a brother.
I knelt at the coffin and began saying some prayers. After a minute, I heard a man say, “Tell Marta I’m OK” in my left ear. I turned around, and there was no one anywhere near me.
I shook it off and continued praying. A moment later I heard the voice again. This time more urgently, saying, “Pleeeease, tell her I’m ok, everything’s alright now.”
I immediately stood up and backed away from the coffin a bit flustered. I walked in to the parlor where the sister grabbed me and said, “Let me introduce you to my mother. Lorraine, this is Marta.”
I don’t have to tell you that it was quite challenging keeping my composure. I hugged her and offered my condolences. I tried to make my way to the other guests but the sister grabbed me again and started whispering frantically in my ear. I knew she had difficulty with her mother, but she never mentioned her brother before. She explained that he died of a drug overdose. They weren’t sure if it was intentional or not, but they were relieved because he’d been struggling with his addiction for a very long time and it was extremely difficult on Marta; both physically, as well as emotionally. So much so, that the daughter was concerned her mother might suffer a stroke or heart attack from the stress if this situation had continued much longer.
I wish I could tell you that I gave Marta the message, but I did not. They both moved on to speaking to various people and I eventually left. Looking back, I don’t really think they needed the message. They were so traumatized by the years of dealing with the chaos surrounding his addiction, they were just relieved it was over. Unfortunately, they had lost the son and brother they once knew decades earlier.
And as is the case with the tragedy of addiction, you are no longer dealing with your loved one, you are dealing with the shell of what they once were.
This was my first encounter with the other side. It’s not lost on me that my first interaction with the other side would be from an “addict”. What is interesting to me though, is that I chose not to deliver the message. That was a major shift for me personally. Dealing with an alcoholic husband for 20 plus years, I can tell you it’s frustrating, heartbreaking and exhausting (not necessarily in that order).
Coming from a broken home myself, I tried very hard to keep the marriage together. Marriage therapists won’t help you unless the addicted party seeks treatment first. Several requests for him to check into a rehab turned into a web of lies. He once left the house twice a week for several months claiming he was in an outpatient program. When I finally demanded to speak to someone in the program, he stalled for a few days and then gave me a contact number. When I called to see how he was progressing with the treatment, the gentleman that answered the phone literally laughed out loud. He had just signed up that day.
A therapist recently told me how to tell if an alcoholic is lying. Their lips are moving. With that being said, the constant barrage of lies and deceit to keep their habit going seriously takes its toll on loved ones. I was also informed that alcohol and drugs affect the frontal lobe, which controls rational thought and decision-making (among many other things). Considering these facts, it’s virtually impossible to have a “normal” or rational conversation with an addict. So, although I have compassion for those struggling with addiction, my experience is that after a certain period of time, you must make a choice. If you have children, it’s especially difficult, but the choice needs to be made.
I did make the choice to finally leave when I discovered my ex was actually drinking while driving with my 8 year old. I thank God and the angels, especially my brother Archangel Michael, every single day for protecting my precious baby and my ex.
This is a difficult concept to grasp, but I truly believe we are all here to experience different things for our Soul’s growth. If you’re interested, especially in regard to the topic of addiction, Your Soul’s Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born has a unique perspective you may want to explore.
But moving right along, as soon as I made the decision to leave, as scary as it was, a plethora of new opportunities opened up for me almost immediately. Without the burden of micro-managing another so called “adult”, I had more free time to explore what was important to me. I believe this idea is relevant to all marriages and partnerships. If you’re spending an inordinate amount of time complaining about and/or trying to “fix” other adults or if your family members constantly criticize or try to fix you, it might be time to set some boundaries and look within.
And look within I did. I read a crazy amount of spiritual books in record time. I discovered Reiki and other healing modalities, subsequently becoming a Reiki Master.
As I took more time to discover what made me tick, I learned a lot!
- more humble
- more gracious
- more thankful
- more grateful
- less sarcastic
- less judgemental
- less angry
- less impatient (still struggling with this one, it’s challenging driving in NYC every day)
As I became more aware of the importance of quieting my mind and spending more time in nature, I was able to hear my “Divine guidance team” as I’ll refer to them. How do I know it’s not just my own voice you might wonder? Because the advice given is always heartfelt, love based and spiritually more advanced than my everyday thoughts.
When a departed loved one is attempting to come through, the energy feels much different than my team or the angelic rhelm. This is why I did not pass the message along to the sister and mother at that moment. The message wouldn’t have benefited or comforted them at that time because they weren’t in a space to hear it. That attempt at communication was more for the deceased. He’s come to me several times since than, and I will discuss that in Part 2.
Please be aware that these are my personal observations from my own experiences. I am neither a therapist, nor a doctor. If you or someone you know has an addiction, please seek professional help. If you love or are dealing with someone suffering from an addiction, please also seek help. There’s collateral damage experienced by family, partners and children of addicts, this is a fact. Please message me and I will help you find support.
With much love and many blessings,
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